皆さんこんにちは！ Welcome to the long long long awaited second installment in my Word Salad series! I know you all have been biding your time wondering when the acclaimed series would return and here it is! OK OK I am only joking! Today I am going to be normal and speak candidly. Truth be told I don't know how much longer I will keep this site. I see two possiblities. The first is that I delete this account and pretend it never happened and move on. But I don't think this would be so easy for me this time around. The second possibility is that I continue pouring out my heart in this utterly unceremonious manner and make that my thing until I and You get bored and I decide to call it quits anyway. What I wanna do today is sort of rehash what I was going on about in the previous entry but a little more sober (not that I wasn't sober writing it For The Record I don't do any kind of drugs). I don't think I'm the right person to have a website that revolves around me. My being is very fickle and it always has been, much to the detriment of any kind of digital or real life community I have wrung my way into and deserted throughout my life. I suspect I have some kind of neurotic disorder or trait. I see it in some of my family as well, though while they seem to externalize it, with me it's always directed within. My taking to (digital) minimalism is largely an attempt at keeping this neurosis happy and satisfied enough to allow me to do what I want. I disabled my browser history altogether because I would clear it over and over and over because I felt dirty otherwise NO THERE WAS NO DIRTY MATERIAL IN MY BROWSER HISTORY! I DONT CONSUME ANY DIRTY MATERIAL! ~~i use my imagination~~ I have to emphasise that this dirty feeling was (is) entirely irrational. Do you know what's really funny, though? After disabling my browser history completely, I began compulsively clearing my COOKIES and CACHE instead, because now THEY were making me feel dirty. So revolve the site around something else, then? I thought about it but that's not possible either. I kinda just don't have much to say about anything. I don't feel much in the way of passion, and any passion I do feel is moreso an excitement brought on by the passion itself, a sign that there maybe is something to me. I thought about deleting all of my accounts (which there aren't many) and I immediately felt lighter. I realized all at once that if I did that, I would still be here and totally okay. I spent months planning what I dubbed my Digital Renaissance in my written journal, and undertaking in which I would create new accounts on any service I deemed genuinely useful to me (of course, I had deleted all of my previous accounts some time before, and some time before that, and some time before that) and assemble this new and awesome digital ecosystem and this new and awesome me. Even then I noted how this was just history repeating itself and an ultimately futile plan--especially Neocities. I remembered the previous site well, and how it made me feel. A little like this, I believe. Anyway, I think the problem is so very clear to you by now, no? It's been pointed out before. Here is a list:

I take things too seriously
I let entirely trivial things determine my worth as a human being
I spend more time thinking of my ultimate online persona with all these talents and hobbies than actually partaking in these hobbies
I neglect actually doing anything of importance in real life
I refuse to learn from my mistakes after almost a decade of makin them
I don't (and won't) talk to a professional about my seemingly persistent neuroses and compulsive behaviour, very clearly impacting my day to day life, among other things
I have a hard time imagining doing something without making it the sole point of my existence
Again, I neglect to actually work on the Me that exists rather than the Me that disappears when I click "Delete site"
Again, I take things too seriously

Even now I am taking things too seriously. If it wasn't clear, the site you see when you go to the index is no more. That's what it is and I'll leave it There until I don't. Sorry for the random capitalizations it's not my fault. I could delete this site and come back on another one sometime in the future. But that seems pointless to me. Nothing will be different. The only good thing I get out of Neocities is reading what other people say, and you all will continue saying things without me there. Maybe not to me, but it doesn't feel like that anyway because it's not realllllly me is it? It's The One True Path. And where does this path lead? Back where it started, of course. TRVTH NVKE! THE ONE TRVE PATH!

I have seen several of you say that your websites are a place for you to put thoughts you would normally have nowhere to put. This is a noble pursuit, methinks. I think that it was somewhat the opposite for me. I made my site so that, maybe, I could start having things to say. It didn't work so there's not much a need to keep at it.

So what's in the future for little old OTP. Well, as you might now, I am interning right now and it's going well. I think I'm going to focus on being Real in Real Life rather than Real in Fake Life. What did I want out of this? The site I mean. Obviously attention and fame and reverence. Have you seen The One True Path on Neocities? This guy is so cool, he, like, has things to say. Like things that mean something. Yeah dude I know, I was shocked as well.

Alright I think that's that. This site will be deleted sometime soon, or maybe not so soon. Or maybe tomorrow. Sorry! Goodnight! Sorry!